Bad ass... Don't ask its about me and my big o butt... random rant about serena williams jeans

...as a black woman i can say being bottom heavy has been difficult
i have found that all my life
from the time i could dress myself  until now

people have judged me incorrectly
 as a child
i would get rude comments and remarks from the parents of friends

saying i was too fast because i had a big bottom

or i had to be taking some type of birth control
because there was no way i could have a shape like that and still be a virgin

when in all actuality i was totally afraid of the idea of the opposite sex for a very long time

i have been ridiculed
shamed

ostracized and even criticized
for some of my outfit choices

comments that remarked words and phrases like
vida gotta big o butt
o yeah
and even
the infamous name of the fifty cents song back during my college years at coppin "G UNIT"
and all i can say is

that no matter how many times i wished it would shrink
it hasnt gotten smaller

some of my friends have come up to me idolizing the idea of having my shape
telling me they were having surgery to get the same effects
prayers to them for that
and no judgement if thats what you want
and i have even had some guys tell me
that i could have anything i wanted
because of the size of my big o but
well
so much for that
cause im still single
and still ended up with a broken heart

crazy thing is it never changes
news flash and update
i cant add water and stir
to create a kool aid
effect

if i could i would
i would make it dissapear
and reapear
like a cool magic trick
maybe that would be my special magic power
if i could choose one
lol
you know we have always wondered what our one special thing is
and all i can really say that makes me different than the rest
i mean truly unique is my big o butt

and  ive even had some to say i was asking for attention because of what i choose to wear
as if the idea of suddenly becoming an attention seeker was in a
quick decision to throw on a pair of skinny jeans to make my but look bigger

i dont wear jeans
because i want to fit in
or get attention
or seek the attraction of  the opposite sex
how about i just like the way they make me look
or i just like to wear them because they dont make me look fat or frumpy
or simply to just be comfortable
or even just match with an outfit for a fashion purposes
but i cant hide my butt
its not going away
ive tried
but ive even been told that you could see my back side miles away
people have stopped me and said i knew you from your shape
lol
is that right
well
sorry
to dissapoint you
its not going anywhere

ive tried working out
swimming
excercising
dancing
running
aerobics
the treadmill
nothing worked
sorry to say
my butt just wont go away

so ill stop making excuses for it.

it has almost always been difficult to find the right pair of jeans
they are never perfect
and when you think you've found the one it seems that
you are quickly
decided by the masses to be fastly
atrracting the wrong attention
or going down the wrong path
im far from seeking

id rather bury my head in a book
and my favorite places are libraries and museums

im far from a dance hall girl
and i can love to be home in the kitchen or close to my momma lol

im just trying to be me
can i live
without having to worry
 about being what others have tried to put me in a box to be

dont stereo type me
i love science
i love the scientific method
and i still use it on everything
lol

i dont ask you why your looking at me when i walk by
and i know you wont turn your head if i asked
will you?
it seems not
i cant walk in a restaurant
a supermarket
a shool
library
or even a sanctuary
without the looks and stares
from both men and women

they all look
ive even had some people confront me in a parking lot
that i didnt even know asking me where did i have my ass worked on.
wow
ive had some people tell me to cover it up
while others have asked me to take it off lol
my home girls

old and young
why has society mad a fad of the big bootys and the shaking rumps

the experiance of having a big but has haunted me all my life
some tell me to flaunt it
while other ask me not to with their eyes

all im saying is that its been rather hard
to find anything to wear
without being uncomfortably
confused

i like what i have on and i take careful consideration to what i choose to wear
every day
yes
i have to be careful and try on almost everything i buy
even down to a sweat suit because of these huge hips and these big ol thighs...

as a black women with many assets
head turn and eyes glaze at my land scape

all the while theres a volcanic interior going on in my mind
the war is are my jeans too tight
well if i dont wear them tight then they are too big
and have a big crotch
and look manly
then i look like a boy
which im far from

but if they are fitted
showing my significant volumptuous body structure lol
and work of art i might add
im being seductive
producing unwanted fathoms in the mind of men.

today i choose me
its hard enough finding the right thing to get in too as it is
when it comes to getting dressed in the morning
i have a huge mirror looking back at me
saying ok
let me see
what the world will think of me


i wear a small to medium shirt
because my chest is small
and a small waist which looks crazy with a belt with jeans that dont fit right
and huge hips and a large proportion for a back side
i cant nor have i ever been able to help it

i dont like to feel frumpy
with baggy clothes
because they make me feel fat and heavy

i dont like to wear big long dresses because
it makes me feel elderly

i love clothes and i believe a womens clothing
should be a self portrait of her inner feelings of beautiful desires.
getting dressed
makes me want myself
lol

yes some outfits could be thought provoking
and even mesmerizing but indeed
it is art
and it should make a statement.
powerful
even enough to effect change
whether classical
political
social
it doesnt matter
change is on the horizon
because of my head turning exhibition on display lol
clothing can be used a tool
as even the most significant tapestry ever created
for life

this is not merely and exaggeration

why you ask?
well
we cannot go about naked

this is illegal and disatisfying
not unless your in hawaii on a nude beach
thats different

clothes are a work of art, and life
creating a fine balance that often is never appreciated until seen outside of the mind
and on the hips
like soft kisses
that come from his lips

but i wont go there today lol


clothes
should be worn
and most importantly
feel good to wear

i dress up often
because its the one thing
i can control.

i cant seem to control any thing else
and everything around me may be falling to peices
but
i can at least fix my clothes
to be soft and surreal
creating an illusion
even if only for a moment
to celebrate the exquisite thought of what children call
dressup
magical
make believe
play time
with a world of endless possibilites
clothes are my oyster
i get lost in its shell
and
dressup
is not make pretend
its expression
its art
its not just material
its a reproduction of significant victory
my clothes are my party.
i wear them because every day
im going to an extravaganza.

growing up i didnt really ever have many options of clothes
i didnt have the experience of shopping
i got a lot of hand me downs and left overs
but i was good
and that made me appreciate all the  more
my very own closet
i love my closet
and i love my clothes
i love my big o butt
and the way the
onlookers
look at me
in my clothes

random rant

i watched the instagram feed today as
serena williams posed the new jeans
she created
for curvaceous women with big hips and apple bottoms.

but i had a small complaint
which seem to match up with everyone else on that feed

why are those new serena williams jeans almost 200 dollars

especially for the all the ladies that really want to buy them.

most of the women that seemed interested in buying the jeans
responded and said they had mouths to feed
and would not risk the loss of spending that kind of money.

the jeans were really cute
but they were a bit pricy

i would love to buy a pair or even a few
they are adorable and seem to fit well for hips and black figures
i mean
those with exceptionally large bottoms

they look comfortable and everything
but i can keep wearing my jeggings
and skin tight leggings and still put groceries in my fridge

do these jeans come with insurance
or a special laundry service
day care
or baby sitting service
tuition payments
or grocery store coupons

i'll postpone my order until we get a flash sale
or
until black friday
or until
they have a clearance

next winter doesnt seem that far away
im sure they'll be cheaper than.

ill hold out till everybody gets theirs
and
supply and demand is not at an all time high


i like the jeans honey but
i need to keep it real

and my reality says
not today

style is temporary
but paying your rent and on time, having food to eat and keeping a roof over your head is something
your child will never forget.

serena trust me
we love you
but the celebration of dressing myself up in some 200 dollar pair of jeans
makes me wonder
is my shape
dressing up with fancy price tags
and designer labels
 really worth it

im good
i love you serena